Who you love and how you love may not be as concrete as it once seemed. Sexuality has become more open and fluid in recent years. Yet, some people still have trouble accepting how they really feel. Whether it has to do with society, gender norms, or fear, it’s not always easy for everyone to understand and accept their true sexual and gender identity.
It’s important to be able to love yourself, no matter how you might be defined. It’s equally important to understand that no matter how you might be feeling about your sexual identity, you’re not alone! Even if you aren’t sure what your identity may be, it’s okay to explore and try different identities until you find what makes up a perfect fit for you, personally.
How Can You Determine Your Sexual Identity?
The best thing to keep in mind about your sexual identity is this: Only you can define it. Unfortunately, that isn’t always easy for someone who may be struggling with it. It can take a lot of reflection and self-searching to discover your true sexual and/or gender identity. Together, we can pay close attention to how you want to define yourself, making it easier to embrace your sexuality.
Before you seek out the help or guidance of anyone else, though, you can ask yourself some questions. Sometimes, it’s not always easy to come forward and ask others (even mental health professionals) for guidance. If you’re still in the reflection process, consider these questions:
What types of bodies are you attracted to?
Do you ever think about a sexual experience with the same sex? Do you think you would enjoy it?
What attracts you to different people in general?
You may have to really dig deep into your thoughts and fantasies to feel comfortable with your own sexuality. Understand that thoughts and feelings don’t necessarily relate to your actions. For example, you may have a fantasy about someone of the same sex, but still be sexually active with a member of the opposite sex.
Thinking about members of the same sex also doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a homosexual, transgender, etc. These thoughts can be normal for some people, as gender becomes more fluid as a concept. In fact, you should feel safe within your own fantasies. They are the perfect outlet for exploring your sexuality without having to involve anyone else.
Not Sure About Your Sexual Identity?
Don’t let the expectations of others start to dictate your thoughts or feelings on your own sexual identity. If you have fantasies or thoughts that you think people wouldn’t expect of you, that’s okay! It’s normal to explore these thoughts, and work out your identity yourself. This can include things like questioning gender roles you see on TV, being attracted to the same sex in a movie, etc.
If you’re struggling with how to understand and accept your sexual identity, again, you’re not alone. Acceptance is the ultimate goal, and together, we can help you reach that goal with an understanding of sexual health and self-identification.
Counselling Burnaby Vancouver, Via Counselling & Consulting. Burnaby Counsellor Shari Wood, M.Ed., R.C.C. dedicated to helping clients begin their personal therapeutic journey. A Clinical Counsellor, specializing in helping people overcome self-doubt and build healthy relationships.